So you want to be a Goblin...

When your guidance counselor asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, I'm pretty certain you didn't say 'GOBLIN' at the time.

     Here at Blake's Dungeon, we are a small crew. Mostly because we don't have the gold to hire many folks, but also because dragons are hungry beasts and goblins are easy to gobble up. Fortunately, they also breed quickly, but as a rule, they are a mischievous creature prone to making a mess and stealing rocks and climbing nice cosplay wigs. Accordingly, goblins have been banned from most any convention hall unfortunate enough to have ever met them, which makes it difficult for us to get the word out about our Master's inevitable plans for word domination.
     That's where you come in.
     Your quest, should you choose to accept it, is to become an honorary Goblin. We will send you everything you need -- a "Quest Giving NPC" t-shirt with our latest logo design, a stack of golden Goblin Tickets to pass out, and a rundown of how to run your own quest. You can wear this shirt ANYWHERE -- at the flea market, at the grocery store, to your local Rocky Horror Picture Show shadow cast screening, your local anime convention, game night, the comic book shop, cosplay parties, bar mitzvahs, cafes, weddings that allow you to wear t-shirts in the dress code, comic cons...

     Basically anywhere but Black Rock City. While I know that Burners are all for the experience of it, it kind of goes against the principle of de-commodification.

     IMPORTANT: Be mindful that by wearing this shirt, you are inviting heroes, adventurers, geeks, nerds, cosplayers and other curious types to ask you for a Quest. If you are not an extroverted type of person, this may not be a good idea for you! It is your responsibility to lure these curious minds in and then GIVE them that quest -- you will explain the shirt, tell them about the magazine and your new Master, and hand them one of our golden Goblin Ticket seed cards (we will provide you with a bunch to get you started). You are essentially an ambassador for our Lord and Master, Our Terrifying Tyrant, Blake the Drake, and may also be asked to deliver things on his behalf should a dignitary or royal, sellsword or bard, flattering dragonkin or indebted fairy be attending the same convention you are.
     AND SPREAD THE WORD! If you are a vendor, comic book store owner, or otherwise professional geek who has table space and you'd like some issues of the latest BDQM to put on your table, display in your booth, or sell in your store, let us know! We would be happy to send you as many copies as you like at a discounted wholesale price. We also have gift certificates that are perfect for giveaways and raffles, t-shirts at a discount, and other goodies and teasers that you can use to help spread the word!
     You will also be added to an exclusive, GOBLINS-ONLY newsletter to keep you informed on new products, specifically designed goblin gear, advertising specials (because we love to give back to our goblins!), and tips and tactics to be the best goblin you can be. Because a good goblin makes for a happy Drake, and a happy Drake is less likely to eat you. 
     Less likely. Don't count on it.

Happy hunting!
~Camarius, Head Sorceror

Sign Up To Be A Goblin Here

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Blake's Dungeon Quarterly Magazine has proudly been published by Ka-Blam! Comics since 2017.

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